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August 2010

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mohavedatura in advice_rehash

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 15 years. My parents did not attend my wedding because my mother's job was more important -- so my father never walked me down the aisle.

My brother is now being married for the first time. It will be his fiancee's third trip to the altar. Her father died years ago and they have asked my father to walk her down the aisle without even considering how I might feel about it.

When I explained to Dad how hurt I feel, he didn't understand. But he told me he would not walk her down the aisle if it caused me pain. Now my brother and his fiancee are upset with me.

Abby, can a groom's father give away the woman his son is about to marry? Am I being selfish in suggesting she walk down the aisle by herself just as I did? -- RESENTFUL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RESENTFUL: The answer to both of your questions is yes.

My two cents: OK, so parents couldn't be bothered to show up to their daughters wedding but they can walk another woman down the aisle. Maybe I'm as petty as the letter writer, but I would find this to be a very painful situation. In my opinion, Abby's advice (or real lack thereof) just seems stupid and cruel. I wonder if she was going for edgy here with the one-word answer.

How do you guys feel about this one?


I can't fully commit to feeling sorry for her because we have such limited knowledge. Most parents make a point of being available for their child's wedding, it's a usually a big deal. Why couldn't her parents be there - did she schedule a huge destination wedding for September and her mom is a teacher or professor? Regardless of the details, her parents didn't come. How did she react? Did she pretend to be understanding and sympathic but was actually resentful? Did she ever talk to her father about how important it was for her to be walked down the aisle? Did she, at the time of her wedding, even give half a rat's posterior about whether her father walked her down the aisle or not?

they have asked my father to walk her down the aisle without even considering how I might feel about it.

Well, of course they didn't. THEY are getting married NOW. Why would Resentful's fifteen-years-ago wedding even cross their mind? I don't know about anyone else but if I were engaged and planning my wedding, I sure wouldn't be thinking about my sibling's long ago wedding and worrying that anything I might do might be hurting her feelings. For all we know, Resentful has never, ever mentioned her sadness at not being walked down to the aisle to anyone.

That's assuming, of course, that she ever was sad about it until her brother got engaged to some trollop who has the audacity to get married for the third time. My god, what a whore. How DARE her father-in-law to be show her some consideration when she makes a simple request to him? How DARE she feel hurt and angry when he is forced to renege on his promise to appease the hurt feelings of a grown adult who can't stand the fact that someone might get something she didn't get, something we have no evidence she ever wanted?

If Resentful wants to stew in her misery, let her. But if its more important to her to stamp her feet like a child and insist on denying her brother and his fiancee this thing that clearly means something to them, then let her not be surprised when she suddenly doesn't have a relationship with them anymore.

In short, Resentful needs to get over it.