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August 2010

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mohavedatura in advice_rehash

Possible Sugar Daddy?

Dear Annie: I am an 80-year-"young" gay male and have been swept off my feet by a 55-year-old gay man. I went into this as a fling, but it soon became serious. I know several male couples who have a similar age difference, and the relationships have worked out very well.

I was previously in a relationship that lasted more than 50 years and have been single since my partner passed away five years ago. The problem is, I have really fallen for this younger guy. He asked me to marry him twice, but each time I told him we'd have to talk it out. He agreed, but we didn't actually get around to it. Two weeks went by, and then he called to say it was over and that was it — nothing.

I have left messages on his answering machine, but have received no return calls. I still have strong feelings for him and don't know what to do. Should I close the book on this and move on, or do I keep trying to see if it might take off? — N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: Either he isn't interested in you any longer, or he is too temperamental to wait two weeks. His way of handling your relationship strikes us as manipulative and immature. We know you're smitten with him, but he doesn't seem to be the best person for you. Please try to move on.

My first thought reading the letter is that this is a man trying to gain control over an elderly man. I don't know where the laws on gay marriage are in New York, but it sounds like marriage would be a way for the younger man to have access to the letter writers finances should he no longer be able to take care of himself. At 80, that might not be so far away. I'd say the letter writer dodged a bullet and that his intended partner has moved on to easier targets.


You, the Annies, and me are all in agreement here.

I hadn't considered the idea of the younger man trying to marry the older guy to get control of his money, but, yeah...no matter what the younger guy's motivations are, I think the LW is better off without him.